Ted Cruz: ‘I’m Running for President of Opposite America!’
KNOB CREEK, MS — At a campaign stop in Mississippi, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) sought to clarify comments he recently made comparing himself to Galileo while pontificating that it’s the “global warming...
View ArticleRick Perry Gets In Line Expecting Sandwich, Winds-Up Running for President Too
GROVER’S GULCH, TEXAS — Former Texas governor and 2012 failed Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry thought his days of touring the countryside in his bus, pressing flesh, kissing babies,...
View ArticleMarco Rubio: “My Economic Plan is Called ‘Do As I Say, Not As I do'”
GLEN HAVEN, NEW HAMPSHIRE — The Marco Rubio 2016 campaign was dealt a pretty hefty blow this week when a New York Times article detailed his many numerous personal financial blunders that included his...
View ArticleMan Who Takes 36% Of Year Off Thinks Some Americans Don’t Work Hard Enough
SLAPBACK MOUNTAIN, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) learned how to run a presidential campaign watching his father, Rep. Ron “Which One Of You Young’ns Stole My Corn Pone?” Paul (R-TX) try and...
View ArticleRepublicans Worried Wrong A-Hole Is Fronting Their A-Hole Policies
Speaking to the press after a campaign rally in his home state of Wisconsin, Governor Scott Walker (R) told members of the media that he and many of the other Republican candidates for president are...
View ArticleRand Paul Found Huddled in Corner, Muttering ‘Audit the Fed’ Over and Over
PINE CONE, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Aides for Sen. Rand Paul say that at this hour their boss is in stable condition after being found in a hotel conference room after a campaign rally, huddled in a corner,...
View ArticleGOP Worried That Morons They Courted For Eight Years Could Cost Them Next...
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus is nervous, and if you catch him in an honest moment say staffers, you’ll find out just how nervous he is. What does Priebus...
View ArticleDonald Trump Lists ‘Fucking Your Mom’ as Only New Year’s Resolution
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Claiming to be in a “festivial and happy” mood, Donald J. Trump — the billionaire real estate mogul and former reality-TV star that is currently the Republican presidential front...
View ArticleMitt Romney: ‘I Know a Lot About Losing Elections, and Marco Rubio’s Got It!’
LA JOLLA, CALIFORNIA — Dressed in khaki board shorts and a V-neck sweater made entirely of hundred-dollar bills, former Massachusetts Governor and failed 2012 Republican presidential candidate Mitt...
View Article5 Reasons Rand Paul Will Totally Be President One Day (VIDEO)
Here are 5 reasons Randy might as well start practicing the oath of office right now. httpv://youtu.be/1qwWC21k4oI The post 5 Reasons Rand Paul Will Totally Be President One Day (VIDEO) appeared first...
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